The Power of Forgiveness - 5 Steps to Get Rid of Anger and Unforgiveness

It is common for people to harbor anger about someone in their lives. The reasons for anger may vary from person to person, but usually what is common about all of them is that the people feeling the anger cannot let themselves to forgive and forget. For some people, this anger may stem from serious issues such as abuse or assault while in others it may be due to minor issues. If you harbor anger towards a particular person in your life, it may be time to forgive.

There are many reasons why you may hold on to the anger. You may think that you are hurting the person by being angry. But does it really hurt the other person? No, it does not. It only hurts you. So why hold on to anger? It is better to get rid of the anger within yourself and forgive. Here are 5 steps to help you on your path to true forgiveness.

1. Examine why you are angry

There must be a reason why you are angry at someone. Unless you are dealing with an issue of assault or abuse, it may be difficult for you to pinpoint the real reason of anger. Once you find what that root cause is, you can go about finding the solution to deal with it. Think about ways to make the situation better. If it is possible, try to find positive things about the person instead of focusing on the negative. If you find it intolerable to be with the person, think about what you can do avoid him for a short time.

2. Don't be the Victim

When you hold on to the anger against someone, you are the victim. To stop being the victim any longer, you have to think about what you learnt from your experience with the concerned person. When you decide to learn from the experience, not only do you grow as a person, you also allow yourself to stop the vicious cycle of unforgiveness and resentment.

3. Letting it Go

After you decide that the bad experience with a specific person is something you have learnt from, you have to let it all go. For this, you need to tell yourself again and again that what happened is past and nothing will make it affect your present and future.

4. Meditate

Think about the person you want to forgive in a meditative state. Allow yourself to think about him with compassion in your heart.

5. Pray to God

Turn the whole thing over to God and ask him to allow you to not be the judge of that person.

I would recommend you to follow above mentioned tips and give way to peace in your life by getting rid of anger and forgiveness.

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How To Forgive And Forget: The Truth About Forgiveness

Much has been said about forgiveness throughout the ages. Despite all the spiritual and self-help advice we receive, however, most people still find it very difficult to forgive.

While we often say the words "I forgive you" or "let's forget and move on," still deep within our hearts we are not really letting go of most of the anger and blame we feel against someone who may have seriously wronged us. This can result in ongoing personal suffering that, for some, continues to last throughout their lifetime.

The reason why most spiritual and self-help advice about forgiveness doesn't help is because it doesn't delve deeply enough into the actual causes of our anger and blame in the first place. When you correctly understand the true causes of anger in human beings, you begin to deeply appreciate that the most important causes of anger and resentment lie mainly within us, and not with the behavior of others or whatever may have happened in the past.

These internal causes are anger-producing thought patterns and action patterns that become triggered within in our bodies. Often, these internal thought patterns and action or behavior patterns produce "false internal realities" within us that we automatically assume to be true, but that have little correspondence to the truth about what really happened. But we end up getting angry and holding on to our anger anyway, because our bodies automatically assume that all of these "internal realities" are indeed true.

For example, automatic anger-producing thoughts such as "someone did something they shouldn't have done" or "I was hurt or harmed by what happened" or "the other person was unilaterally to blame for what occurred" are frequently incorrect. As a result of these mistaken "internal realities," we conclude that a crime has been committed and that someone should apologize, offer to make amends, and/or be punished. When none of these things occur, or sometimes even when they do, we may find it very difficult to forgive.

There is no way you can "let go" of your anger or truly forgive the past as long as "false internal realities" remain unchallenged within you. You cannot pretend "all is forgiven" when you are certain that: a) you were seriously harmed; b) the other person (or yourself) was unilaterally to blame; and c) this person should have done something different.

THE SECRET TO TRUE FORGIVENESS IS TO CHALLENGE YOUR INTERNAL ASSUMPTIONS THAT LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE AN UNFORGIVABLE CRIME WAS ACTUALLY COMMITTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The best way to do this is to recognize where your automatic assumptions, which are causing your anger and resentment, are false or misleading. Once you challenge and disprove these "false internal realities," your anger and resentment will quickly disappear, without you having to do anything to try to force this to happen.

Even when a true crime, such as a theft or murder was committed, it is still possible--although not easy--to forgive the offending party. This can sometimes be done by challenging your automatic assumption that the person should have "known better" or should have behaved in a different manner.

Copyright (c) 2013 M.C.Orman, M.D., FLP

Doc Orman, M.D. is a physician, author, stress coach, and founder of The Stress Mastery Academy. To learn more about his advice on how to forgive, as well as how to solve other lingering stress or anxiety problems, visit http://stressandanxietysolutions.com/

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