"Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity." -W. Clement Stone
There are many reasons why women stay in abusive relationships but one of the main reasons is because they don't believe they deserve better. And, unfortunately they don't know how wrong they are. Depending on the degree of abuse a woman is experiencing will also be a factor in whether she leaves or not.
Often times the thought of leaving an abuser is more frightening than staying because you fear for your life or your children's lives if you try to leave. And if this is your experience I urgently recommend you find a way to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, they are available 24/7. Even if you have to have a friend or family member call for you, do it.
WHAT IS YOUR REASON FOR STAYING?
50 abuse survivors were questioned by the NFJCA asking why they didn't leave. One of the most common answers was, "I was scared he was going to kill me if I left." Others being, "I thought it would change" and "I thought I could fix it." But, the most common response was, "Because I loved him."
Several other reasons women use for not leaving an abusive partner are:
Lack of money, can't survive without his support.
Fear of being alone, not being able to deal with children and home.
It's really not that bad.
Maybe I do things to provoke him.
That's just the way he is.
Not believing you will ever find anyone who will want you.
Wanting to keep the family together.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES
Unfortunately the reality is that women who stay in abusive relationships lie to themselves. They make weak excuses for horrible treatment from their partners. They can't face the truth about the man they are involved with.
They continue to put themselves in harm's way to be blatantly disrespected, talked down to as if they're a dog, physically beaten and kicked to the curb as if they're trash. Worst of all they expose innocent children to witness this kind of chaos.
Most people can't understand why someone would want to stay with someone that hurts them. But when the number one reason victims give as to why they stay is because "they love them." It becomes clear that somewhere along the line they created a false idea of what love is.
Many times if you look in their past history you will see that they came from some kind of abuse or lack of healthy love when growing up. So they seek out the same kind of distant and unavailable partners, just like what they were familiar with when they were young, and they try and get them to love them.
In the circle of life, in some perverse way if they can get this person to love them it will validate their worth and prove to themselves that, "See I am worth loving." But, sadly, they are simply setting themselves up for more heartache and pain in life.
THIS IS YOUR WAKE-UP CALL
If you find yourself in an abusive relationships trying to get your partner to change or to love you or to treat you the way most normal people are treated; you have a better chance of winning the lottery.
Until you open your eyes and begin to tell yourself the truth, you will continue to remain living this nightmare you call your life. You will NEVER find the peace and happiness that you long for and you will live the rest of your life exactly as you are now, plus more than likely, it will only get worse.
If you can't find the courage inside to be honest with yourself about this man and your relationship at least find the courage to do it for your children. Every time you are beaten, or intimidated, or put down verbally or emotionally you might as well be doing it directly to your children as well.
The negative, destructive impact that you are causing your children will wreak havoc in their lives as they grow. You are teaching them how to put up with abuse and make excuses and how to abuse. So, if you don't want to leave because you love him so much, maybe it's time to love yourself and your children more.
Ultimately, it comes down to being your choice. What are you going to do?
Are you in an abusive relationship trying to decide whether to stay or go? Do you want to find out more about how to stop wasting your time and begin living your best life now. There Is Life After What's-His-Name will tell you how. Susan's work has inspired people from all over the world to take back their power! We all make decisions everyday, why not make the decision to live a better life starting now?
