Letting Go of the Past to Live in the Present

The sweat drips from my body onto the mat, already wet from 70 minutes of Hot Bikram Yoga. Yuk!! And now the teacher is imploring me and every other student in the session to 'let go' of the attachment we've made to the last posture. "Just let it go. It's over! Relax in savasana".

Savasana is a yoga position where you lie on your back on your mat completely still - still mind, still body. This in itself is really difficult - one wants to scratch, wipe the sweat away, and sense a muscle, the mind full of 'stuff'- random thoughts such as - "what's for supper?" "I must look at that... " "How's that presentation coming on?" "I wonder how my daughter is?"

But the greater temptation is to attach value and judgement to my efforts in the last posture! "Was it better than last time?" "Had I taken on board comments from the teacher and improved?" "Was I having a good/bad day?" "I wish I had made more effort at... ". So 'letting go' is the last thing I really want to do; I want to look back and indulge my emotions and not be in the present moment. Letting go of what has happened is such a difficult exercise. We hang on to thoughts, good and bad, as if our life depended on it. But once something is over, it's over - there is nothing you can do about it, it's over. You can understand the things you've learned from the experience and move on. Dwelling in a negative sense on something which is past has no merit. Understanding the importance of 'letting go'... and actually doing it... creates space and calm.

Many years ago I came across a poem attached to the wall of a café in Tasmania, a remote and sparsely populated island state in Australia. It was a list of such lovely exhortations with a positive spin, found in such a bizarre place, it begged to be copied and studied. There are many examples of 'letting go' that come to mind and those who read this column may begin to reflect on their own circumstances, their own experiences.

In the jobs we do, roles we undertake, companies we work for, we all make many and varied attachments. Since the 1990s, redundancy has sadly become a normal feature of the working environment; "Sorry, Simon, we're going to have to 'let you go'." After all the emotional turmoil these few words induce has eventually subsided, you understand that 'letting go' is not to deny, but to accept; accept that the decision's been made, look forward and hopefully you begin to feel free - but the key to that freedom is realistically looking at the attachments you made to that role, that job, that company, and letting them go, permanently.

As humans we are naturally driven towards establishing relationships; relationships wax and wane as sure as the phases of the moon. Sometimes ending a relationship is really really tough. And to 'let go' of the relationship requires one not to judge, but to allow the other to be a human being, to allow them to affect their destinies, to face reality. Easy to say, not easy to do; it hurts, letting go, but once you do a great sense of relief floods the body and mind.

I wanted Tom my Labrador dog to live forever!! He was so lovely, so gorgeous, but as he grew older and older I had to face the reality that life is finite, and in his case I would probably have to decide for him that his pain-free, carefree existence was over. Letting go of the negative memories of making that final decision and agonising over whether it was the right one (the "If only... "!) have allowed me to be thankful for the life that he had and the love that he gave.

We so often dwell in the past, where are memories are stored, and forget to try and live in the present, like in the savasana position in yoga. And there's a tendency to sometimes regret decisions we've made, paths we've taken, - "If only I had... ". Free yourself by 'letting go' and not regretting the past, but to grow and live for the future.

I recently 'down sized' to an apartment which has little storage space. I knew I had to 'let go' of things. In this case not take them to some half-way stage, a self-storage unit, a sort of 'left luggage', but to sell them, give them away, take them to the council tip. How hard was it? In reality, not too bad; if I hadn't used something for 5 years, it went. Furniture that didn't fit or was wrong for the place got sold, given away, painted. Books I had bought but never read, some I had read and were never going to read again, went to the Charity shop. Clothes went to same way. And gradually light and air is beginning to circulate within the enlarged space.

There are few more important guiding principles to the way we approach our lives than taking on board the exhortations of 'letting go'. As my daily yoga practice encourages me to 'let go' of those attachments I've made to a past posture and still the mind, outside of the studio those words found on the wall of the faraway café can bring a positive affect to anyone who cares to read them. Of course 'take each day as it comes, and cherish oneself in it.' and 'try to become what I dream I can be.' But above all try to stop being fearful, be "fear less", learn to truly relax "and love more."

Talking about relevant issues can help to let them go. Engaging a coach to assist can be a great step forward. Email at richard@richardyatesconsulting.com for more information.

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Letting Go: What Does Letting Go Mean To You?

When it comes to living life in the present moment and being free from attachments to the past and to specific outcomes in the future; letting go is often spoken about as the ideal. And through letting go, one can then allow life to flow. Also, as a result of this, a lot of the stress that can accumulate by holding on will disappear.

However, while this sounds like a wonderful idea and one that is extremely appealing; it is often far from what feels comfortable and natural. In fact, to do this can feel uncomfortable and something that has the potential to be extremely dangerous.

So although letting go can make life a lot easier, more effortless and allow even better things to happen than one would have expected; It might seem strange that letting go is not the naturally approach to life.

Personal Meaning

The meaning of letting go can sound very good through reading about it in a book, in an article or through a teacher and at a conscious level. But, this is not to say that it is associated to be positive at an unconscious level.

And this is the meaning that makes the difference in one's life; the personal meaning. Other people can describe it as the ideal and as what one should aspire to. And yet, this is unlikely to make any difference if it is in conflict with what's going on at a deeper level.

A Deeper Level

Here, the ego mind forms associations around everything and once these have been formed; they will define what is classed as familiar and therefore safe. These are often formed during ones childhood and through certain experiences that one has as an adult.

Now, at the time, these would have been what allowed one to feel safe. The challenges are created when what kept one safe at one point in their life; go on to create unnecessary pain and suffering.

Examples

So let's take a look at some common emotional experiences that can occur when one thinks about letting go. The ideal meaning of letting go is to feel supported, safe and that one can trust in the whole process. However, letting go can also mean the following:

· That one will be taken advantage of
· That one will have no power
· That one will be abandoned
· That one will lose all control
· That one will be forgotten about
· That one will be ignored
· That one will end up being controlled
· That one will end up alone
· That one will lose everything
· That one will lose themselves

These are some examples of what letting go can trigger for people. And upon seeing what some of these are; it is then not much of a surprise as to why letting go can be such a challenge.

Perception

For as long as the ego mind associates letting go to mean any of the above or to mean anything else for that matter; one will continue to avoid letting or they will have a hard time doing it.

Internally these associations will be fired of and lead to uncomfortable sensations, emotions and words for instance. And externally this can result in one attracting situations that will mirror and validate these associations.

Letting Go

And before one feels comfortable letting go, it may be necessary for one to let go of what has accumulated within. If these associations are operating within, one is going to find it difficult to trust in the process.

The best way to do this will depend on many different things. And one of those is how challenging this is for someone. It could be that some kind of therapy, coaching or healing is needed. Or it may be enough for one to simply become aware of what letting go means to them and then choosing another way to be.

My name is Oliver J R Cooper and I have been on a journey of self awareness for over nine years and for many years prior to that I had a natural curiosity.

For over two years, I have been writing articles. These cover psychology and communication. This has also lead to poetry.

One of my intentions is to be a catalyst to others, as other people have been and continue to be to me. As well as writing articles and creating poetry, I also offer personal coaching. To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -
https://www.facebook.com/OliverJRCooper

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